with all the tests taken, me, ipah, uds, sharil, yani, aleem, peter, kelongs, d2, d3, d4, d5... zzzz, basically everyone, was hoping to have time off for a while. yeah, we wish.

there are always things that take our little time off aback. assignements, projects, exams, lecturers, boyfriends, girlfriends, mothers, fathers, grannies, security guards, sisters, brothers.. zzzz basically anything.

i suppose i could put down my own ideas of what i think would be at least a good start for happiness, if you're interested. oh, you are? okay then.

1. be nice to everyone, even though you don't want to and you may not like certain people. be kind, friendly, and respectful even if people are not nice to you. that way, you're not dragged down to their level. also, there's nothing that annoys arrogant assholes more than people being nice to them.

2. brush your teeth every day. and floss. as discussed. in addition, flossing encourages healthy gums and makes your teeth feel secure when they're eating something difficult like apples or corn on the cob.

3. try to have some quiet time every day. i know it's hard, don't tell me. it's getting to be near impossible to find silence, what with the TV, radio, kids, leaf blowers, planes, traffic, birds, dogs barking. but try to put time aside to listen to "you". it's easy to forget what "you" want, who "you" are, with all the noise. check in with "you" every day (or at least on New Year's Eve).

4. exercise. any form of movement will do. stretching keeps you limber, young, and energized. my favorite exercise is walking a block and a half to the NTUC to buy snacks. then i take a cab to get back home. (remember, there's never a need to overdo anything.)

i thought about having this entire blog typed in capital letters, so, as the narrator, IT WOULD SEEM LIKE I'M SHOUTING THE WHOLE TIME. I LIKE THE IDEA OF ME SHOUTING INSIDE OTHER PEOPLE'S HEADS. IT MAKES ME FEEL POWERFUL.

5. know you are special. how do you know that? because you read this blog. you are already two steps ahead of the losers who didn't read this blog. they aren't special.

imagine being the last person to read this blog. i pray that doesn't happen to anyone. if word keeps spreading about the magical powers of this blog, the joy it gives, the wonders, the life-affirming, the life-changing results of reading this blog, no one will ever be last.

6. the key to life is balance. think of a seesaw. on one side is Give, the other side Take. if you just give and give and give, you've got nothing left. you're empty. which means you don't weigh anything because empty equals weightless; so Take is just sitting on the ground bored out of its mind saying, "i'm bored, i can't take anymore of this," which is a pretty strong statement since that's what Take's job is. it is to take.

and the same goes for taking too much. if you keep taking and taking and taking, you get loaded down. taking equals heavy. so Give is stranded way up in the air saying, "hey, i'm way up in the air." and then Take is like, "so?" and Give is like, "I hate you. all you do is take." and Take is like, "You're the stupid one for giving all the time." and Take gets off the seesaw to leave and Give goes crashing to the ground and then Take feels bad and rushes over to see if Give is okay and then they hug and start crying and both apologize for being so selfish. so you see, it needs to be balanced.

7. minimize stress. when i'm stressed out, i get so stressed. when i'm relaxed, it's a whole different story. i find that life can be difficult. also, when certain events occur, it can bring on stress. small things - a car accident, let's say - can change your whole mood.

8. start thinking positively. you will notice a difference. instead of "i think i'm a loser," try "i definitely am a loser". stop being wishy-washy about things! how much more of a loser can you be if you don't even know you are one? either you are a loser or you are not. which is it, stupid?

9. don't look in the mirror...EVER! it will spoil the purpose of being happy.

1o. work, but have playtime. recess. we lose our play, our fun, all of our joy. we used to say, "mom, i'm going out to play." Now it's, "Honey, i'm going off to work." we don't see a forty-five-year-old man saying, "i'm going out to play". if he did, his spouse would say, "what the heck does that mean? no you won't". you don't see a grown-up squatting on the ground with a stick poking at ants. if you do, you cross the street. you walk far away from them. you don't see adults lying in the grass staring at the sky saying, "i see bunny rabbits". that is, unless they're on drugs.

so there you have it, your very own keys to happiness, courtesy of me.

whew, it's a relief that's over. anyway, i hope that you enjoyed reading this blog as much as I enjoyed writing it. but before i say "good bye," let me - oh, excuse me, that's the phone. let me get it, in case it's important. so, i'm putting you on hold...now.

okay, i'm back. that was my dad. suddenly I'm not so happy anymore.