like a cigarette flicked:

i am aware of myself lately.

i am aware of my faults. that's true. i am afraid of them, but not avoiding them. i am aware of my friends. and i've seen the way this world works. i've seen my friends fall into a seamless love, attached at the chests. i've watched the night come to life, miles from civilization.

and i've held hands with love, and turned to grapple with hate. i've drank with my friends and stumbled into my sins. i've come up for air in the morning and shook my head at my indifference. but mostly i've been working on myself. this enormous work in progress that will probably build to a small, quiet life of comfort and procreation.

but sometimes i catch myself thinking. and i think that i want to be something, even if it means the end of me. it's this brash idealism, pushing me further than i think i should step.

i want to be like a cigarette flicked out of a car window.

or a rocket shot to the heavens.

i want to burn brightly, spiraling away from this earth, and then explode brilliantly for everyone to see. and my debris will come crashing down and change the way people think. and change the way lovers feel. it could be so good, this world.

and maybe i should be the catalyst.

each scratch holds a story.

the scars shrink with every passing year, but they still cling to the scratches or scrapes that pulled me into the person that i am. and i guess that makes them hurt less, sometimes.

this life is one of red-blooded love and broken flip-flop straps. it is a life of progress, growth. and i am learning to appreciate that. maybe someday i'll look to unlock the wisdom in those wispy bible pages, but for now, all it really takes is an alarm clock to get me to the next day.

My Life.

no, i'm not always proud of it. but there are times when i find the pieces falling into place, and it is then that i wish you could see me.