uh. long time no update. was i really THAT busy? no, i don't think so. just that i was not assed with blog when there are tons of things that have been going on in my life. not that i don't want to share with the rest of my fans here lol, but my sad boring story would depress and ruin your day.

i cant take much more of school. i am already overly spazzed and now everyone probably thinks im a crazy nerd because of my mood swings. at one point i can be a hyper bitch, laughing and joking with my frens and then *snaps* i am depressed. when anything pisses me off, i dont want to talk about it, i don't want to do anything, i dont want to analyze it, i dont want to fix it, i just want to crawl into the bed and let my problems unfold it self. why can't people just make me laugh or give a hug or just shut their pie hole instead of talk. cause the last thing i want to do is talk. hell the last thing i want to do is THINK about the shithole we all live in. i used to do such a good job at hiding my anger/depression but i've ran out of energy to do so. so i let everything show through only to find that pissing me off even more. when you're on a high, when you think life is good.. funny how simple life can be one minute, and then fifteen seconds later complete chaos and shattered dreams throw every thing out the window.

some people expect too much outta one person when they're no better. like i said everyone is the same so why do people expect so much outta others. we cant prevent who we are. why cant people understand it? why do others have to expect us to be perfect. maybe i'm a sucky friend or i'm a sucky person and yeah i am a fuckin sorry person. but what is anyone gonna do about that? maybe you killed my soul, my heart, well you sure as hell killed everything i used to believe in. congrats.

sometimes we don't know our own strength. it can be hard to tell just how much weight you can safely bear, or how much will crush you. i'd like to think you can shoulder as big a burden as you believe you can, that it's all a matter of will. certainly a comforting thought. other times it's hard to remember you had any strength at all. then you can only hope to have someone to remind you you were once fierce and able.
i learn one thing this week that no matter what happens, you need to learn to depend on yourself.

next week would be the last of week of tennis season. perhaps i'd be more focus on my work now instead of tennis. it's saturday afternoon and i'm listening to my itunes. can life be anymore boring than this? my parents are back in indo and in two three weeks time, my other cousin would leave for indo, leaving me and my granny alone in singapore. i actually can't wait to have the whole room by myself. birthday is coming soon. the dreaded big 2 is going to haunt me for the rest of the year. i'm done for this week. hopefully i can update the blog weekly now.