i have come to a startling conclusion, just now, as i was going to the loo.

i am 21. and i am trying to act like one. i need to stop having me-against-the-world thought in my head. and i need to stop talking craps about other people. and i need to stop being a holier-than-though person. and i need to stop blaming others for my screw up.

back to the topic, you see, i always have a get-out-of-jail-free contingency plan. i can easily excuse poor performance at work or in my personal life by brushing it off with a "this isn't permanent" thought speeding through my head.

but this is a basic shirking of responsibility and not putting my best foot forward. sure, i should have been more cognizant of this - i mean, i'm 21. and there comes a point when you have to shit - grow the fuck up and toss irresponsible immaturity out the window. at least do what you can to be the best version of yourself.

but is this it? is this what life about? is this what life can offer?. i once told my friend that i felt sorry for those people who do not have a goal or a dream in life, because then what? personally, i do not want my life to be caged at one place all my life. there's got to be something more to life than just waking up and go to work and get paid and piss it all away on stupid junks. i may not have an answer for it now and i am still looking for that "something" in life. does it end here? not entirely sure. but i know that i am only 21.