saw the movie Closer. i think it completely captivated the essence of human emotion. it was real and moving. the story focuses on two couples who can't stay committed to one another. it's a story where the heart seems to give itself to too many people causing inveitable, agonizing pain. why are humans incapable of just loving, and more so, why isn't love enough? why can't people recognize what they have when they have it? why are we constantly looking for something more, something better? inevitably, we will be alone.

it's been a very mundane weekend which sucks, because i really need a break to just have fun, be it talking about craps or just drinking till i'm drunk. i've been feeling pretty tired too, which i'm sure is a combination of physical exhaustion and emotional fatigue. the past couple of nights i've had so much on my mind that a lack of sleep has been dominating. saturday night i went to bed at 6:00 AM. i went out for a walk at night to be met by hazy air. i just sat on a bench under my block and i just sat there for an hour or so with my ipod. quiet. lovely.

i had a quite a chat with my friend yesterday. i was pretty depressed and vented it on her and i was quite surprised that she could relate to my story. it was great to be able to talk about something that is more than just 'work blows or i'm bored' for once. life is too short for that. after the chat, she made me realized of my dream again. something that i've burried deep down because i don't want to get disappointed if it's not happening. but if i don't even try it at all, i would regret it even more. at least i give it a shot, yeah.